Mon, Mar. 6th, 2017, 03:30 am
Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out.
Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.
Post anonymously [by selecting the anonymous box]. Speak honestly, because there isn't any censure here. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another. You don't have to be on my friends list. You can just be stopping through. It doesn't matter.
And then, pass it on.
Tue, Mar. 6th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
Why hasn't anyone put anything here yet?
I hate feeling like my life is being censored. I hate the feeling of not being able to do or say or even eat what I want sometimes because it wouldn't coincide with social norms, or it wouldn't seem like a very "me" thing to do. Doesn't that defy the whole purpose? If we want to do something, why don't we just do it? Won't that fit our personality better than what others expect us to do?
I guess I'm just fed up with having to meet up with everyone's expectations. I know I don't have to, but I do anyway. That has to change.
I feel so constrained by everyone and everything. I just want to be me.
Tue, Mar. 6th, 2007 10:36 pm (UTC)
there is no way i can express how much i love you. and not just you but all the people around me and you and anyone in the world. i have such compassion for human beings will all their mistakes and stupidities and beauty. we are imperfect, but something in that is so perfect. i want to help people and i get pissed of when i cant. when all i can do is just stand there and watch whats happening. its so beyond my control, and i can hardly handle it. its because i love you so much that i want to be able to save you. but why does it have to be me? why cant i just be satisfied in your survival, by whatever means? so obviously my motives aren't purely unselfish and part of me wants to be able to say i was the one who was there for you. i dont want to be this way. sometimes i think that im the only one who can help you, maybe thats why i act like this. i dont mean to. im sorry if it hurts you. that seems to happen alot. people try to help, but they end up hurting more than helping. parents seem to be pros at this.
i do this sometimes, writing my thoughts like a letter to a best friend, or a specific person. but they never see it. now everyone's seeing it. or, everyone who's your friend on livejournal. i dont know if thats good or bad... whatever. anyway, thanks for this wes.
Wed, Mar. 7th, 2007 12:37 pm (UTC)
I have a hard time asking for help, especially when I need it. It's a skill I'm working on. So please, help me. As far as I know, you aren't hurting me. You are more than welcome for this, and thank you for being here for me.
Tue, Mar. 6th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC)
There's a girl at my school who was raped when she was little. At least, that's what I overheard her telling her friend. Anyway...I feel really, really bad. Not for her. Not because she was raped. But because I can see WHY she was raped. She seems like a very rapable kind of person. It's the same concept as seeing someone who you want to kick repeatedly just because it'd be fun to watch them cry. It seems like it would actually be fun to emotionally scar that girl for life. Which is an utterly terrible thing to think.
Wed, Mar. 7th, 2007 12:12 am (UTC)
Sometimes I don't wash my hands after having sex with my girlfriend, and then I sniff them for the rest of the day and think about how I just fucked her.
Wed, Mar. 7th, 2007 11:37 am (UTC)
sex isnt that important to me. its more something I would like to get out of the way, sure it seems nice but it doesnt rule my life like alot of males. and Im getting to the age where its odd to be a virgin, so in that sense I would just like to get it over with, but I want it to be special also.
and itss not like Im religious or have moral views on sex, I just cant really explain how I dont really want to.
vaginas are intimidating.
Wed, Mar. 7th, 2007 08:35 pm (UTC)
I want to thank everyone who has ever hurt him for making him who he is. Then I want to take their lives violently and without remorse.
Wed, Mar. 7th, 2007 11:41 pm (UTC)
sometimes i'm afraid we aren't really in love anymore and that we're both going through the motions so we don't have to hurt each other
Wed, Mar. 7th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC)
i hate feeling like a failure and not knowing what i'm doing with my life. i hate that everyone has a passion for something and that nothing grabs my interest enough for me to stick to it. i hate feeling that all i'm good at is cooking and cleaning and that although i know i'm smart enough for my classes i feel overwhelmed by them and so i avoid going and end up failing. i hate that there's no one to tell these things to because everyone wants to fix it and i just need someone to know besides me
Thu, Mar. 8th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really wish i could forget about him.
Thu, Mar. 8th, 2007 05:33 am (UTC)
there are some days when I seriously consider finding some pharmecuticals and overdose quietly. Sometimes I feel hypocritical when people find me positive and happy when I can't cheer myself. I know I'm not in any danger of actually doing it, as there are too many ties to life and I could never think of doing hurting my family and friends that much. I just feel overwhelmed. But there are days when I wish I could tell someone this and they wouldn't judge me as weak.
Thu, Mar. 8th, 2007 06:43 am (UTC)
This is actually a letter I wrote to someone else, but have not, and probably will not give to them, so don't freak out..haha.
does any of what you have to say have anything to do with me? or have you just forgotten. Forgotten what we shared, and still share, but hold back because of fear. I have never been more sure of anything in my life, and for me, that's saying something. I see things happening with you. My life seems more clear with you in it. It seems happier and at ease. You want the truth? I love you. I can't believe I just said that And it felt good. It felt like my heart just lost 500 pounds, and is free. I want to say it again. I love you. As much as it scares me to say, it feels so good. I love you. okay, I'll stop. But I do, and I would do anything for you. When you don't come home late at night, I worry that your car is crashed somewhere off the side of the road. I get scared, and yes, sometimes jealous. I don't know half the people you do. I want to ask. I want to ask so badly, but I'm no longer allowed...we don't have those rights with each other anymore. And now you're leaving. You are going to a better place. I'm so happy for you, that you are pursuing your dreams. You are going places man. You have been blessed with so many talents, and they will soon be seen by the world. That makes me so happy. The world is going to know you, I know it. You said you wanted the truth, this is what you get from me. Who knows what will happen in the future? who ever knows? maybe you'll miss me those 3,000 miles away...most likely, you won't even notice I'm gone. I just wish the best for you. I love you. Seriously.
Thu, Mar. 8th, 2007 06:45 am (UTC)
oh, and vaginas aren't THAT intimidating ok? at least until you get to know one I guess.
Thu, Mar. 8th, 2007 07:27 am (UTC)
I am tired of seeing happy couples around me. I feel that if I can't be happy in a relationship then no one should be and I generally get pissed when the ones I am closes to start to get serious about their relationship. I would be willing to settle for an abusive relationship to just hear someone say that they love me and want me.
Thu, Mar. 8th, 2007 07:29 am (UTC)
I envy people who are passionate about something that is clearly within reach. They take what they have and run with it, letting their passion grow with their fortunate circumstances.
I envy people who are happy as pie in their relationships, but not really. They say that half of all marriages don't work out. Marriage sounds like a really scary thing because sure, you might be happy right now, but there is a 50% chance that in the future you will be SO unhappy that you will break it off and be hurt for the rest of your life. THAT'S just great.
I envy savants.
I envy people who are really really really smart, or really beautiful and thin, or really really selfless, and I especially envy people who don't care what other people think about them. They don't wallow in self pity when they cannot find people to hang out with or when they think someone is angry at them.
I envy people who are brilliant at writing, or adapting to new situations, or making millions of friends despite personality differences.
I envy people who know exactly what they want to do with their lives.
I envy people who are motivated to do whatever they see fit whenever they want to and get away with it.
I envy people with really fast metabolisms, and super jocks too.
I wish I could compile different elements from everyone and stick them together almost as if I were making a scrapbook. I could pull out little bits of personality or beauty or genius or selflessness whenever I wanted. How amazing would that be?
Fri, Mar. 9th, 2007 12:39 am (UTC)
I don't know what to do with my life. I used to have a plan, but no longer.
Fri, Mar. 9th, 2007 01:48 am (UTC)
(Anonymous): a general note
I hate how I feel that he knows her better than me and I hate that I can't stand her, sometimes I feel like I have only a piece of his heart and not the whole thing and I hate that I have not known him as long as she has and I hate that she has better skin than me and that I don't even want to know her better and that she seems like a person that otherwise I would really like to get to know but in this case I hate her. I hate how human and imperfect I am and that I really can't stand this girl. I wish that I had known him before she fucked with him and I wish that I could help fix him but I really don't know how to and it kills me because I feel like I am inadequate because of it. Jealously eats away at my soul sometimes and I just want it to stop so that I can burn his memories of her. And I also hate how sometimes when I am hanging out with him, I watch his mannerisms and wonder which ones came from her, because we all take things from the people we spend time with. I wonder if she knew him better than I do and if he still secretly thinks that she is more fun than me. I hate that I am paranoid and that it is uncalled for because he has never given me a valid reason to doubt his feelings for me. I hate how sometimes I feel like my jealously is completely justified and during other times, completely insane and stupid, and I can't fix it.. I hate how all his experiences in his life-even the ones with her- makes him who he is, and I wouldn't change a thing about him, so if I really wanted to erase her from my memory and his, it would hurt him. I feel so selfish and disgusting sometimes.
Mon, Mar. 19th, 2007 10:06 pm (UTC)
I pretend to know what love is to simplify relationships and use it as an excuse to do things that I KNOW I'll regret later. And I do regret.
Everytime I talk to boy, I feel this connection I haven't felt with any of the people I've "loved" yet he's hurt me before and will almost certainly hurt me again. Is this an abusive relationship? Even if I never see him? Is it possible to love someone you can only talk to but never see?
I've planned out most details of my life for the next three years - I've been told that this is bad by a boy I "loved" - is it bad?
I always pretend to be quite sure of myself, but as you can see - I know nothing.
It's possible that I don't even know you.
Mon, Apr. 2nd, 2007 06:01 am (UTC)
I am afraid that if no one wants to spend my birthday with me it shows that i have no friends and that i will go through life without anyone who cares
Wed, Apr. 4th, 2007 07:03 am (UTC)
I had a hard time remembering which one was mine when I looked here, because so many secrets rang true. People are scared to open up to others when in reality we would all be better together.
Wed, Apr. 25th, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
I hate how I feel alone , no scratch that... I am alone everyday, everynight.
My one and only friend is now a couple thousand miles away and we are slowly drifting apart. Alone, thats what I am. I catch myself constantly talking to myself since there is no one else to talk to. I try to make friends, but I am unsuccessful. Shyness gets in the way and that I never really learned to make friends.
I've been alone for so long, I feel as if I'm disconnecting with the world, slowly joining my own world inside my head. I'm afraid to fall asleep at night thinking that I will not wake up, for I may give in and just live in my reality. Would it be that bad? At least there I'm talking to someone I believe is real and they answer back.
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2007 06:29 am (UTC)
a) I'm 20 years old, but any time I look in the mirror I always expect to see an underweight 12 year old with braces. I feel like I got stunted after what happened around that age, and I can't grow out of it. So I make jokes and try to get people to smile around me when really all I want to do most of the time is crawl up into a ball and cry.
b) No matter what situation, I always feel stuck. So I'm always looking for a way out. Jobs, relationships, anything.
c) Oh, and I have double-jointed elbows. So it always looks like my arms are broken.
I think that's about it for now.
Tue, Oct. 2nd, 2007 12:25 am (UTC)
Girl-children scare me. I am biologically capable of being a mother, but I don't know what would happen if a she popped out of me. I'm afraid I'll accidentally touch them in a way that they'll perceive means something more regardless of how innocent I thought my action was. I treat girl-children like they are adults, speaking to them without affection most times because I'm afraid to unintentionally psychologically fuck them over for the rest of their lives.
I was a girl-child once and it hurt.
Sun, Oct. 7th, 2007 10:50 am (UTC)
i often wonder why i'm still alive. and sometimes i hate the fact that i am. after everything i've done to myself in my life i shouldn't be. i took far too many risks. i did too many stupid things. and sometimes i'm really glad i made it through it all. but sometimes i fucking resent it. i'm not suicidal. i don't want to kill myself. i don't even want to die. i just hate the fact that i didn't.
Thu, Jan. 31st, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC)
I posted in this almost a year ago or whatever. Now it's time to post again, because honestly, this is the most therapeutic thing EVER.
I've slept with guys who aren't my boyfriend and it makes me a lying, cheating, dirty, good-for-nothing whore.
I wish I didn't make myself throw up to be thin.
People call me pretty and thin, but I don't see it most of the time.
I'm glad to have direction in my life, but I'm scared that I'm never going to get there if I get too sick of the whole undergraduate experience.
Wed, Feb. 13th, 2008 08:35 am (UTC)
The past three people that I've been involved with for more than a blink of the eye I've fallen in love with. I don't think I know how to be with somebody that I don't love for more than a night. I don't know if I see the point or if I want to. There's an episode of Sex in the City where they discuss how you have two great loves in your life. I think of the last two as great loves, and I'm young so I could be wrong, but if those weren't great loves than I'm terrified of what great love is. And I'm terrified that there's even a slight possibility that that is true and that I'll never fall in love again. I'm also terrified that I'll never be able to let myself into a situation where I may fall in love again, in fear of more disappointment. I'm terrified that the world is so bitter that I'm the only person that still believes in some sort of a soul mate. I'm worried that this will lead my soul mate to work the system and think themselves out of us based on logic. I'm just really afraid of people getting close and of my heart/brain right now. I don't understand why I wasn't enough? Why couldn't we have worked just a little harder? Why will this sound so stupid in a few years but seem so pertinent right now?
Sun, Mar. 16th, 2008 11:34 am (UTC)
Sat, Mar. 22nd, 2008 09:43 am (UTC)
I don't know why you say "goodbye"; I say "hello".
Tue, Apr. 29th, 2008 06:05 am (UTC)
I want him to be mine, I don't care about his past. He's the only person who has been able to show me that it's truly alright to be different. I hate myself for it.
Fri, Oct. 17th, 2008 06:29 am (UTC)
I love this. I posted here over a year ago and just had to come back. There's something about letting everyone inside your head without them really knowing who you are. Except, secretly, I think I want my identity to be known. I don't know why, I guess I'm sick of hiding. I've hidden all my life. I was one of those kids who was told I should be seen and not heard, and man has that stuck. I'm done. Just, done. I can't go on like this. I need to stop pushing people away whenever they attempt to get close. Maybe that's why that was so easy for me. I think if people just sneak up on me with affection, I won't recognize it at first, and I'll allow them to get close. I don't know if that makes any sense. I'm not sure what makes sense anymore.
Sun, Jul. 12th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
Hello. You're from Livermore. I grew up there, lived there for eleven years of my life until my family moved away. I wanted to rip my heart out at the thought that I would never see the brown hills again. I've dealt with it. It isn't the end of the world, I guess, but where I live now rains so much, always a constant drizzle of moisture dropping from the sky. I have come to find comfort in feeling the rain on my face almost daily, but it took more than two years. And now I'm gone from there too, across the country and it is so disconcerting. It's nice to write to someone who lives where it's brown.
Mon, Aug. 3rd, 2009 09:08 pm (UTC)
i want to die but i cant because he needs me
i know he would choose to live and he doesnt have anyone else
all the good things in my life are just small distractions from the pain
they like to tell me that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
isnt that the point